Dilemma leads to book

“I remember a moment when I could see the raw pain and confusion in his eyes and face,” she writes in her new book The Rural Women Dilemma. She describes that moment as a ‘breaking point’; she had to get up and do something.

Thirteen years on from that moment, and Manikam, originally from South Africa, has released a new book inspired by her experiences, both in those low moments and in her career since as a coach and facilitator working with rural women.

She has since gone on to win the Dairy Woman of the Year competition in 2018.

“I want to help rural women see that they are not alone and there is nothing wrong with them if they sometimes struggle,” she told Dairy News.

“I’ve been privileged to have hundreds of conversations with women through my coaching sessions or workshops and I see the same struggles and patterns come up repeatedly – but each woman feels like she’s the only one.”

Manikam says a major part of writing the book is to bring awareness and attention to the fact that rural women are struggling.

“I’m inspired to write this book because I think we need more national action on this and I hope that the book will spark some of that conversation and action.”

She says the ‘rural women dilemma’, after which the book is named, is the battle between the needs of family, business and community and your own needs.

“A lot of women are stuck with this dilemma because they are expected to do the first and there is little support to do the second. But it’s very difficult to continue to look after others when you are struggling,” Manikam says.

She says there’s a need women feel to wear a ‘Mask of Perfection’, adding there is pressure on women to pretend everything is going well.

“It takes courage and vulnerability to take off the Mask and be your authentic, imperfect self. But I would encourage them [women] to find safe spaces to take off that Mask sometimes – otherwise you spend your entire life being a fake version of you,” she says. “I encourage more rural women to talk about our imperfect lives and our struggles, so that we can start normalising it for all women.”

She says many women feel as if it’s their fault when they are unhappy, as though there’s something wrong with them.

“That’s a key reason why I do the work I do – to help women see that there’s nothing wrong with them,” she says.

The Rural Women Dilemma is available for purchase on Amazon or via thrivingfarmingwomen.com