Wednesday, 16 September 2020 13:56

Mr Grumpy: online shopping — Bob's Blog

Written by  Bob Campbell, MW
Bob Campbell. Bob Campbell.

I am in the process of compiling a list of things that should never be attempted.

It is a sort of reverse bucket list that includes obvious things, such as opening a bottle of champagne with a saber, and less obvious things like ordering a 27-course meal at the St Francis Hotel in San Francisco. 

The latest addition is this: “Whenever you are in lockdown don’t on any account attempt to do your online grocery shopping with your significant other”.

It started happily enough. Marion had prepared a grocery list. I logged on to a supermarket website and clicked the online shopping button. It seemed deceptively easy to navigate. Marion is a superb grocery shopper. She can spot a bruised avocado or overripe melon from 30 paces. She’s got a keen eye for “specials” and knows the location of the most obscure grocery items. Those skills are absolutely no use when you are staring at a 14-inch computer screen. 

We started with fruit and vegetables. 325 items were displayed 24 at a time. One or two harsh words were exchanged, and the tension rose as we scrolled through the complete list.

Marion refused to buy meat without first inspecting it. I could see the specter of vegetarianism looming but managed to talk her into buying some premium beef mince.

It was a long, hard and very tense slog but we finally filled our virtual shopping basket before discovering that we should have booked a delivery slot before we started. We began again.

It took longer to fill our shopping basket on the second time round but at least we had a delivery slot. All went well until we tried to go to the checkout. Our order had timed out. 

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