Tricks for surviving tough times

In defiance of the crap payout, here are some outlandish ways to ensure your pockets stay relatively full this season. So read on, be of good cheer and don’t throw away this newspaper when you can use it as a fire starter, a fly swat or even wall insulation. Happy savings.

Don’t squander money on extravagances such as electricity. Keep those lights off, even in the dark. You can save thousands of dollars on electricity bills by using night vision goggles, which can be bought cheaply at any military surplus store. Your livestock won’t mind.

Cook creatively, especially if you have more days in the week than grocery money. Concoct visionary meals such as ‘refrigerator soup’ – a hodgepodge of anything you can find in the back of the fridge or freezer that doesn’t yet have anything growing on it. Be daring. The dogs will enjoy your leftovers, perhaps even your firstovers.

Sell all your worldly possessions on Trade Me; it’s amazing what people will buy. They’ll devour your van with no engine, your engine with no van and all your mateless socks.

Now that you’ve cleared out all the clutter, do your grocery shopping at wholesale stores no smaller than Eden Park. Not only will you be able to get sacks of rice, drums of shampoo and vats of instant coffee, you’ll also get a great workout from dodging the forklifts. Worst-case scenario: you’ll get to sell it all on Trade Me.

Effluent compliance regulations coming soon will cost you an arm and a leg. Bugger that. Bag the crap, and sell it as wet fertiliser at the top of your driveway; those horsey folk go nuts over that kind of thing.

The heavier your car is, the more gas you burn driving around. So empty it of non-essential weight such as airbags, windows, traction control and family members. This also applies to farm vehicles. Biff the seat from the four-wheeler, the headlights (you’ve got your night-vision goggles remember) and all surplus bits of plastic.

If that all seems too outlandish, remembering this one important point will help get you through: look after yourself. Be aware of when you are burning out, and act to relieve yourself of the strain. Schedule time each week for the people important in your life, and aim to get at least two milkings out of those gloves.

• Ashton Young works on his dad’s dairy farm in Mangatawhiri, South Auckland and is interested in writing blogs. Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..